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How to Survive A Breakup – Not Your Typical Breakup Advice

We’ve all been there – curled up in a ball in a dark room, sobbing uncontrollably, doubting that you’ll live through the night, wondering how in the heck your emotional pain is manifesting itself physically, because you’re almost positive there is a demon inside of you contorting your insides as he laughs uncontrollably. (Note: the use of a male pronoun is not a mistake, given the subject matter of this article. *wink*)

It’s soul shattering, and when you’re in it, it’s so hard to remember that you will get out. So we’re here to remind you that you will, and although it may feel this way, you are not alone.

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How to Survive A Breakup

Make a list…
Sit down and think of all of the reasons the breakup was positive. Did he have anger issues, intimacy issues, or did he posses certain qualities you used to see as deal breakers before he blinded you with his charm and good looks…write it down. Write down exciting things that you’ll be able to do now that you’re single, and basically anything that supports the fact that this breakup is a positive thing. Now re-read this list every time you start to forget.

Ask yourself…
Are you upset because you think you lost “the one,” or are you really just hurt by the rejection or afraid to be alone? More often than not, when the smoke clears, it ‘s the latter. NOTE: If he was “the one,” he probably wouldn’t be breaking up with you…tough love, sister!

Be honest with yourself…
More than likely, he wasn’t irreplaceable. Set aside the memories and inside jokes (which were lovely, but you’ll make new ones), and ask yourself if his personal qualities and characteristics were something you truly wouldn’t be able to find in someone else…say, someone who actually does want to be with you, treats you right, and recognizes your worth, perhaps?

Now be brutally honest with yourself…
No need to demonize the schmuck – recognize your part in the breakup, BUT forgive yourself for it. You are human, and we humans make mistakes (oops!). The real mistake would be not to learn from these things, so reflect, and vow to work on these issues moving forward.

Forgive yourself…
Real talk- you’ve probably said and done some pretty stupid, regrettable things since the words “break up” came spilling out of his mouth. Unless you ran over your boyfriend’s cat, forgive yourself. If love is a temporary madness, then losing a love causes fits of certifiable insanity. It’s okay, but when you do have a moment of clarity, recognize your mistakes, and write yourself a reminder to try to control yourself next time you see a rage blackout coming on…feelings are fleeting, so this too shall pass.

Breakdown

Remind yourself…
Why would you want someone who doesn’t want you? The person you’re meant to be with won’t just want you… if they love you, and more importantly if they’re smart & mature enough, they’ll recognize they have something special and will work to never let it go. And for as strong as you feel your connection with this person was, we promise the connection will be even deeper when the love and respect is reciprocated with someone who wants the same relationship as you do, and actually works for it.

Remember…
This probably isn’t your first breakup- you’ve lived through one before and came out stronger on the other side, so you can and will live through one again.

Feel your feelings…
Let yourself feel your feelings as they come on. If you feel like crying, do it, just don’t unpack and live there. Give yourself a time limit to breakdown and let it out…then STOP, rinse your face, and move on with your day.

Post-Its are your best friend…
Go ahead and be corny- pull up your Pinterset quote board and pick the quotes that inspire you and make you feel good. Write them on post-its and post them all over your desk, bathroom mirror, refrigerator, etc. Sometimes all we need is a reminder that things are going to be okay.

Keep busy…
Allow yourself to mourn, but get out of the house! Go out with friends, don’t turn down invites, join a book club, go visit your nieces and nephews, etc.

Get moving…
Exercise is an incredible stress reliever and confidence booster. Even if you just take a walk, use your 5lb. weights for 15 minutes, or do a 10 minute yoga video you find on youtube, just do it. Plus the best revenge is looking hott, of course.

Journal…
Talk with your girlfriends, but do some private journaling too. Sometimes it’s easier to be honest with a piece of paper than with our closest friends.

 

No matter what, don’t forget…

YOU WILL BE OKAY- WE PROMISE!

XO

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